The time that I spend on debating whether or not I am living up to full potential can be draining. It’s almost as though I need that worry to succeed– to push. If there is no fear there is no drive. Without drive I may as well be a vegetable. I can sometimes see myself as someone’s reason to smile, sometimes I see myself as a reason someone would just want to pull their hair out. How can I play on both sides of the fence for so long? I learn as my days go that this double sided playtime around this fence is what drives my head into the wall. It is my vice. I live for the worry, live for the challenge, and have learned that no matter what I do to avoid the obstacle, I will encounter and then conquer. Regardless of the set backs, or frustration– that is what makes me. Never in my life has accomplishment come easy. I sit back and think and the time that I spend on debating whether or not I am living up to full potential can be draining.
How in one’s life can so many situations and lessons come and go, to a fro, almost like clockwork had it’s say so. No matter which watch I choose, the time that ticks through each remorseful second sets a personal lesson in my life; an experience that instills in me a gratefulness of my knowledge and friendships acquired. My love for habits, hobbies, and blessed gifts that I hold within myself. All of these things help me to get past the remorseful seconds that tick through this watch of glissened retribution. I enjoy the thoughts that flutter around and spark excitement within my mind. Maybe this watch isn’t such a bad watch. Maybe this route in life isn’t such a bad route. Maybe I needed to break certain watches, think certain thoughts, and question certain destinies before I could find my perfect placement. I don’t need the Rolex hand that steady moves and doesn’t tick remorsefully. Because without that steady tick, that remorseful moment that was purposely wound up through the axels of life to put a special lesson in my life, I may never have been able to become me…the me you all grow to Love, Hate, and cannot resist. I am that cool, that imbalanced, that crazy, that fun, that stubborn, that kind, and that hard headed. But I am me and my watch has finally fit right.